i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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