Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
