So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
...so i touched it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
