Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
