And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
