If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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