He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
