the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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