It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
