I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
