some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
