you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
