I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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