I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
