I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
