dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
