Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
