The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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