You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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