I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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