I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
