We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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