Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
