he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
