I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
