When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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