I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
