I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize