There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
