You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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