I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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