Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
