I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize