her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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