Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
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Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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