A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
