I looked at my own cervix.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
