Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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