Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
