when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
