Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
