First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
