There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
