Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
