He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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