I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
