I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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