Whats the glycemic index on semen?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
