I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
