Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The Olympian is in my bed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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