literally had 100 drinks last night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
