don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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