I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
