you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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