where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
