i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
