so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
